Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
