I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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