ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
