He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize