Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
