i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
