last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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