question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's never too late to be topless.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
