I accidentally had phone sex last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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