I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
operation have a gay friend backfired
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
