i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
