someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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