you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
