Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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