I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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