Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
