all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
