I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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