I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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