don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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