worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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