This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
