she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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