All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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