she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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