I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
