I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
