was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
did you just send me my own nude
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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