so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
