my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
