I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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