morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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