i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
