For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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