How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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