He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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