Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
