I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
