My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
