Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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