I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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