she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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