I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
