how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
