I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
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If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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