1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
