yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
