This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
