ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks