so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
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its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one