My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.