i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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