Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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