One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
