i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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