nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
