She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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