i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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