Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
