it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize