And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
