Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
