On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
even my farts smell like vagina
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
