I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
