Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
