When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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