I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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