Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
