Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
